My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Randomize
