3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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