It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
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