it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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