whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
