ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
we decided it was best to cut you off after we caught you trying to "baptize" my cat in the jungle juice
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
