When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
