i'm starting to get really nervous about the relationship i have with my cat
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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