I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
