You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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