Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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