I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
How many nights a week you wake up with sticky boxers cause you were dreaming of Clay Aiken? Your wife mad?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
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