Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize