Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
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