All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Subtly mention that I'm not a lesbian. I would only go for rebecca's nipples because they're pierced and I like shiny things.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
Randomize
