SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
It's official, there's a sex tape of me floating around some high school
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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