Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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