I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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