just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
My apartment stinks of burning failure
Randomize
