the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize