Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Apparently we fucked, I kicked him out, then he came back and we did it on the coffee table and in the kitchen.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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