apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
