She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm drinking straight vodka and railing lines of adderall while writing a paper about the nature of Jesus. It's 6:50 in the morning. College.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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