don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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