how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
