So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
Well we can cross off dogs, dating sites, and real life as ways to help you meet a chick.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize