we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
