On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Randomize
