It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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