Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
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