my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
