Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
why do cheetos always look like penises
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
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