Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
