What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
