I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
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