Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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