every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
Randomize
