At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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