It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
