Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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