I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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