we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
