There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I knew there was a problem when things got heated and instead of rushing home I offered to get bagels instead
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
