Walk of Shame. In a state park.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
