HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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