remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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