peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
sitting in the bathroom telling some girl to keep puking or she will die. while holding a beer. nursing school rocks.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
