I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
