I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
