after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
so let's talk penis.
I don't know what happened last night but I woke up this morning with "wolf pack" tattooed on my knuckles.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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