I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Randomize
