If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize