Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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