And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
