Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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