I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize