i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
