Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I am just saying if Clark Kent walks into your life, you fuck him
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Randomize
