I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
Randomize
