I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
