just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Pissing in la rieve gfox. Jer zsyuis diu drunk but it felt amazunbg
Dans le librearie ivetre. Hjhaha
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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