girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Randomize
