D3 body, D1 cock
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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