For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
