From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
