Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
Randomize
