They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
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