so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
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