hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Randomize
