I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
