I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I want a musical about memes.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize
